Bad Wolf

Graduation: A Look Back

Whelp, here I am. Its funny how time flies. I just graduated and the journey has been an interesting one. Ive certainly grown as a person. Ive had a lot of new experiences and done things most people have done by now cause ive apparently been living under a rock. I’ve done everything from learning how to tie a tie for the first time, I’ve started learning how to swim, Ive had my first kiss, had a smoothie for the first time, a milkshake for the first time (as well as many other foods), discovered the awesomeness of Doctor Who, went to my first dance, drank my first alcoholic beverage (never gotten drunk tho), tried hookah for the first time, I’ve learned how to interact with people, discovered my love for painting and being artsy, learned to sing and grown as a singer, been on stage acting for people for the first time, went on my first date, first time driving to a different state, first time having sex (haha, no that never happened, but I had you going didn’t I?) and the list goes on and on. Im proud of my accomplishments. I have been taking more risks and been open to new experiences and have grown because of it.

Now Im being all nostalgic and stuff by looking back at what I’ve done. Im gonna be completely honest and say that I am not ready and I am not where I want to be or always pictured myself to be at this point. I wish I knew 100% what I wanted to do with my life, I wish I had a plan to take on the world, I wish I had a career in mind, I wish I had ended the year with a bang, I wish I was in a committed relationship with someone I can love with all my heart and receive the same in return, I wish I had done so many things differently, I wish I had completely come out of my shell by the time I graduated so people could see who I really am, as well as many more things I wished to have accomplished by this point. But we can’t always have what we want can we?

That’s not to say that I’m graduating with regrets. One thing I am proud of is the friends I made. I truly believe that these are the friends I will have for the rest of my life and they will always remain loyal. Also, I have grown so much from being a freshman. I may not have accomplished all the goals I wanted, but I made progress and that is what is important. Sure it took me until my last semester to have an idea of what I wanted to do with my life, but at least I know! Better than not knowing right? I’m still not 100% sure this is the path Im meant to take, but at least my life has direction now. Better to see where it takes me than to wander around aimlessly. I have made improvements in my personality. Coming into college, I was extremely quiet and didn’t socialize at all. I barely had any friends. Up to this day, people STILL think I’m quiet. However, there is a different person inside this shell and Ive been meaning to break out once I graduated high school. Once I start to get comfortable with people, I start to show my true side. Although, I may not be the super social, outgoing person I always wanted to show people I am inside, I have shown people glimpses of my true personality. Its funny when I surprise people cause I do or say thing that they wouldn’t expect me to say or do. That’s cause Ive been playing it too safe and remained in this shell. There is a different person inside than what appears to most people. Some people have managed to bring him out, others have caught glimpses of him. People now know that I am extremely weird and awkward, but I embrace it and people love me for it! That’s how I get comfortable enough to just be myself. I always thought I was too weird or too “out there” hence why I play it safe. Now that I know, people like my weirdness, Im more comfortable being myself. Im not where I want to be, but its a huge progress.

The reason I decided to do theatre was because I saw this as an oppurtunity to show my true colors. i don’t know why it would help me, but I guess its easier cause im not playing myself I love it when I am playing other people. It gives me a chance to show my other personalities without showing my other personalities if that makes any sense. Ive surprised alot of people on stage who usually saw me as that shy, quiet kid. I have alot more energy and personality than people would have me believe. I have also forged some great friendships while doing theatre and they have all helped me grow as a person. Im proud of the people I got to know and befriended while doing theatre. There’s something special about theatre that creates a special bond among its actors and crew members. I have truly began to discover myself. I got more comfortable as a person and I showed people more of my weird sense of humor and I didn’t care. I started becoming more social too! Sure, may still see me as being quiet, but as many people know, once you get to know me, I tend to surprise you!

Im a hopeless romantic and I always hoped to find love, like it exists in fairy tales. I never quite found it, but oh what a journey it has been. I have grown from a person who merely hopes that fate or some other external force brings people together, to actually developing the courage to approach people I like or ask out and saying how I really feel. I know how to talk to girls! Oh if only my high school self could see me now! I would be proud of myself! Oh wait, I am proud of myself. It seems pathetic, I know but its amazing how far ive gone. I’ve been through alot: a fake relationship, crushes that came and fell, drama, being blind to what other people really think of me, flirting with the line that borders friendship and relationships, being rejected, actually asking someone out, finding out more people like you than you thought, being a gentleman, and knowing to look for the signs some one likes you (actually no, I still struggle with that one) and so on and so forth. Sure, I may not have found someone who can actually return the love Im willing to give and my attempts to win over someones heart failed despite my best intentions, but at least I know that I at least made an effort and know what to do. I can ask out any girl I like with confidence! (okay, maybe not COMPLETELY, but hey Im doing better than I would have when I was younger.) I am no expert in the relationships field, but at least my experiences have helped me become stronger and more aware and I know how to deal with situations alot better. Again, Im not where I pictured myself to be, but at least i have grown so I can tackle situations alot better

The bonds I have forged with people are stronger than I could have ever hoped for. In high school, I had friends that I could count on a single hand. Being a commuter my first two years was really tough on me cause you dont get to really bond with people. And that’s what I’ve always wanted. To have a strong relationship with friends who will always be there for you. My first two years, I was just going through the motions and was very lonely and not what I had always expected college to be. By senior year, I had known so many people who cared about me and forged friendships that can last a lifetime. Friends that I always dreamt of having. Friends that are always loyal, don’t judge you and will always be there for you. Ive been through tough emotional times and they have helped me through it. This is the biggest thing I have to take from my college experience. That I do have strong bonds with friends who all care about each other and bonds that can last a lifetime.

One of my biggest fears going into college was picking the wrong major and having it screw up my life. I stressed about it for the longest time. Hell, now that I graduated, I’ m STILL unsure about the major I graduated with, but at least I have a path. However, I do not regret coming to college. Yeah, I’ll be drowning in student loans, but I can at least rest easy that it wasn’t a waste. College has helped me grow as a person, helped me experience new things, and forge bonds with people I could have never though possible. Honestly, I have no idea where I would be if I never went to college and just went to the real world straight from high school. The different things ive been through, the good and the bad have helped me grow and become stronger. That’s what it means to become an adult. Its not your age, that’s just a number. Its the experiences that help you learn about the world. I’ve had some fun times, bad times, strange times, sad times, angry times, and so forth. i have experienced it all. They say that college is the best years of your life. I don’t like to believe that, cause it only means its all downhill from here. But I can see why they would say that. This is the time to explore yourself and find out who you are as a person. There are still great times ahead. I keep kicking myself cause I tell myself that I haven’t lived out my college years as fully as i wanted to. But you know what? It doesn’t matter! It’s still been an amazing journey, Ive still met some amazing people, and Ive grown immensely! I was always beat myself up (figuratively) cause I wish I had done things differently and lived out my life more fully. But maybe this is how its meant to happen. Afterall, I keep looking back at specific points in my life and good things CAN come out of bad decisions! I keep thinking “if that never happened, this amazing thing would have never happened!” So its no use living in regrets. Its been a journey.

So here I am. I graduated and I feel like I am a stronger person coming out. Im not where I pictured myself to be, but at least I have grown and matured. I have a plan for the future. The plan is very hazy and unclear, but at least its a plan. Im hoping it takes me down the right path. I still plan on maintaining my friendships and the things ive learned from this journey. Believe it or not, this is the simplified version of what is really going on in my head. Had i written it all down, This would have been 10x as long and its already long enough as it is! In any case, how do I sum up this note? Did anyone even really read it? It doesn’t matter. The important thing is that i’ve lived with my regrets for far too long and looking back, it wasn’t all bad. Im a new person. it may not appear to me right away, but when i compare to my younger self, I have come along way. Im thankful for the experiences, the journey, and the friends I’ve made. The future ahead looks hazy, but as I approach it, hopefully things will become more clear. I know it sounds bad to say, but what Ive learned from growing as a person and my experiences is far more valuable to me than anything ive actually learned in the classroom. And to me, that’s all that really matters. Its been a journey, its time to take my next step and continue on this ever-changing road called life.

dearfuturegirl:

Dear Future Girl,

I want to make you happy. That will be my goal in life. I want to say cheesy things to make you smile and I want to do crazy romantic, and sometimes cliche, things for you to take your breath away. I want to cuddle. I want to make you soup when you are sick and run to the store to buy you medicine. I want to hold your hand in public so the world will know you are mine. I want to make you feel special. I want to tell you that you are beautiful everyday. I know that will get a bit repetitive but I won’t be saying it out of habit or to reassure you. I will tell you everyday because I want you to know that you are beautiful inside and out and that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’ll be there for you through good times and bad. I’m not your average guy which you will quickly learn. I’m not going to try to sleep with you on the first date, maybe a simple kiss but I will takes things slow. I want to get to know you and learn as much as I can about you. I will wait until you realize that I don’t want you for sex or just for your body. I will wait until we are both on the same page and both want it. And by that time we won’t be just having sex. We’ll be making love. I will kiss you while we are dancing in the rain. I’ll fight with you so we can have an excuse to have makeup sex. I’ll laugh and cry with you. I’ll send you goodmorning beautiful texts. I’ll plan romantic dates. I will be funny, smart, classy, a dork, and anything else you want me to be. Just name it. I’ll use my mad writing skills to win your heart. I’ll tell you on a regular basis that you are too good for me and that I don’t deserve you. I will never take you for granted. All I ask in return is that you’ll be faithful, loving, honest, and compassionate. And I want you to let me love you while you love me in return.

Love,

Hopeless Romantic

took the words right out of my head….

(Source: youbetails-illlbesonic)